Things that needed to be improved - Feedback received 20/11/11
- Write in less detail, no need for extra adjectives.
- Put the stage directions above the dialogue; the dialogue needs to be on a new line below.
- Show a gradual increase of mess (from Ruth sharpening pencils, rubber shaving swept across the table, etc).
- Add more tension, by having Mary get more annoyed at a slower pace.
- Close the gaps between the duologue.
- Make Mary's monologue more disjointed and staggered. Fragment the sentences to show her instability. Increase pace towards the end so it builds tension for her breakdown.
